How (and Why) To Avoid Helicopter Parenting

Helicopter parenting is when parents do for their children what the children can and should do for themselves. What are the consequences for these children?

Helicopter parenting is the act of being too involved in a child’s daily life or too protective against any potentially unpleasant or negative experiences they may have (Reed et al., 2016). The term originated with the image of this kind of parent “hovering” over their child like a helicopter, giving them few opportunities to operate independently.

What aspects of parenting make it helicopter parenting? Helicopter parents are usually distinguished by three key traits in their parenting: They are highly involved, they are highly controlling, and they do little to encourage their children to behave autonomously (Padilla-Walker & Nelson, 2012). Rather than letting their children find their own way, these parents swoop in to solve problems, make decisions, and guide many aspects of their children’s daily lives (Reed et al., 2016).

A key characteristic of these parenting behaviors is that they are focused on activities or behaviors that the child should be developmentally prepared to do (Segrin et al., 2015). For example, it is appropriate for a parent to intervene when two three-year-olds are fighting in the sandbox, but jumping in when the children are nine-year-olds might deprive the children of a chance to exercise the problem-solving and conflict resolution skills they have developed by this age. Rather than supporting the child in utilizing these skills, this kind of helicopter parenting sends the message that the child may not, or should not, be able to handle the situation themselves.

Some of the key behaviors involved in helicopter parenting are information-seeking, direct intervention, and autonomy limiting (Luebbe et al., 2018). It may be easiest to see how these behaviors would manifest by thinking about an academic setting. For example, a parent might, after learning that their child received a grade they consider unsatisfactory, contact the student’s teacher directly. This could take the form of simply asking for information about why the child received that grade, forbidding the child to discuss it with the teacher, or asking the teacher directly to reconsider the grade given.

Negative Effects of Helicopter Parenting

The vast majority of research on helicopter parenting has focused on its negative outcomes. First off, we know that helicopter parenting is associated with less prosocial and empathic behavior from the children who receive it (McGinley, 2018). What does this mean? The researchers think that helicopter parenting sends the message to children that their own needs must be far and away the most important factor in any situation, which would make them less likely to show care for others.

Second, one interesting study found that the more helicopter parenting a young adult received, the longer they expected to delay getting married and the more advantages they saw to being single (Willoughby et al., 2015). This would suggest that, at a minimum, being the recipient of helicopter parenting changes the way young adults think about whether they want to be committed to a partner. Possibly, the idea of having to give up more autonomy to a partner is not appealing if you feel that you are at the mercy of your parents’ interference in your life.

Third, it is clear that helicopter parents give their children reduced opportunities to develop decision-making skills (Segrin et al., 2015). At the same time, they are limited in their chances to develop skills that support decision-making, such as emotion regulation, using coping mechanisms, and seeing oneself as capable (Reed et al., 2016). Indeed, research suggests that it is the lack of self-control skills that explains the link between helicopter parenting and poorer school outcomes (Love et al., 2020). This seems to be particularly damaging for people in young adulthood, as they have reached a developmental stage when independence is particularly important and the stakes for not being independent have increased.

Perhaps the most reliable finding is that, although helicopter parents expect that their parenting will result in better school outcomes, the opposite is usually the case (Schiffrin & Liss, 2017). Children who receive helicopter parenting may become more avoidant of learning, be motivated less by internal factors, and show more perfectionism than children who don’t receive helicopter parenting; not surprisingly, their grades suffer at the same time.

To Sum It Up

Parents can learn to disengage from their helicopter parenting ways, and this is associated with better outcomes for their children (Hwang & Jung, 2022). It may be most helpful for both the child and the parent to learn together about how these dynamics are unhealthy. The instincts that motivate helicopter parenting can often be good, and they can be acted on safely in isolation; for example, parents who seek lots of information but allow their children to make their own decisions may not cause nearly as much damage (Luebbe et al., 2018).

References

● Hwang, W., & Jung, E. (2022). Helicopter parenting versus autonomy supportive parenting? A latent class analysis of parenting among emerging adults and their psychological and relational well-being. Emerging Adulthood, 10(3), 731–743.

● Love, H., May, R. W., Cui, M., & Fincham, F. D. (2020). Helicopter parenting, self-control, and school burnout among emerging adults. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 29, 327–337.

● Luebbe, A. M., Mancini, K. J., Kiel, E. J., Spangler, B. R., Semlak, J. L., & Fussner, L. M. (2018). Dimensionality of helicopter parenting and relations to emotional, decision-making, and academic functioning in emerging adults. Assessment, 25(7), 841–857.

● McGinley, M. (2018). Can hovering hinder helping? Examining the joint effects of helicopter parenting and attachment on prosocial behaviors and empathy in emerging adults. The Journal of Genetic Psychology, 179(2), 102–115.

● Padilla-Walker, L. M., & Nelson, L. J. (2012). Black hawk down? Establishing helicopter parenting as a distinct construct from other forms of parental control during emerging adulthood. Journal of Adolescence, 35(5), 1177–1190.

● Reed, K., Duncan, J. M., Lucier-Greer, M., Fixelle, C., & Ferraro, A. J. (2016). Helicopter parenting and emerging adult self-efficacy: Implications for mental and physical health. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 25, 3136–3149.

● Schiffrin, H. H., & Liss, M. (2017). The effects of helicopter parenting on academic motivation. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 26, 1472–1480.

● Segrin, C., Givertz, M., Swaitkowski, P., & Montgomery, N. (2015). Overparenting is associated with child problems and a critical family environment. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 24, 470–479.

● Willoughby, B. J., Hersh, J. N., Padilla-Walker, L. M., & Nelson, L. J. (2015). “Back off”! Helicopter parenting and a retreat from marriage among emerging adults. Journal of Family Issues, 36(5), 669–692