How Childhood Can Affect Your Adult Attachment Style

Learn how we develop our style of relating.

Attachment theory is a framework that was proposed to explain the origin of our various relationship styles, otherwise known as attachment styles (Levy et al., 2011). In other words, attachment theory seeks to explain why some of us feel anxious or fearful in a relationship whereas others feel secure and accepted.

According to attachment theory, our attachment styles begin to develop when we are infants and continue to be influenced by our experiences in early childhood (Bowlby & Ainsworth, 2013). The central premise of the theory is that our early experiences with our primary caregivers teach us what we can expect from others. That is, if our caregivers are patient and attentive, we will likely grow up expecting others to behave similarly. On the other hand, if our caregivers are volatile and unreliable, that is the behavior we will likely anticipate from others.

Attachment behaviors are seen as evolutionarily adaptive mechanisms that enhance an individual's chances of survival and well-being by promoting proximity to a protective and nurturing caregiver. In other words, we learn what we need to do to survive in the environment in which we find ourselves. If we need to learn to fend for ourselves as children, we do that. If we learn that we need to behave in a particular manner to receive affection from our caregivers, that’s what we will do.

Attachment Theory and Attachment Styles

The current model of attachment theory proposes four primary attachment styles. These include secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized (Fearon & Roisman, 2017). Let’s take a look at each attachment style in a little more depth.

Secure attachment: Children with secure attachment feel comfortable exploring their environment because they know their caregiver will be available to meet their needs. They display distress when separated but are easily comforted upon the caregiver's return. As adults, those with secure attachment tend to have healthier relationships and more positive self-esteem.

Anxious (or ambivalent) attachment: Children with anxious attachment tend to be overly concerned about their caregiver's availability. They often feel anxious and uncertain about the caregiver's responsiveness and might appear clingy or needy. In adult relationships, individuals with anxious attachment may exhibit high levels of insecurity and seek constant reassurance.

Avoidant attachment: Children with avoidant attachment learn to suppress their emotional needs and increase independence due to inconsistent caregiver responsiveness. They appear self-reliant and might avoid seeking comfort when distressed. In adulthood, avoidant attachment can lead to difficulty in forming close emotional bonds and a preference for emotional distance in relationships.

Disorganized attachment: This style was later identified by Mary Main and others. Children with disorganized attachment exhibit confusing or contradictory behaviors, often as a result of experiencing inconsistent caregiving and even abusive or frightening behavior. These individuals can struggle with emotion regulation and interpersonal relationships as adults.

Key Concepts of Attachment Theory

Attachment theory has evolved significantly since it was originally formulated. The current attachment theory model includes several key concepts. Let’s briefly review some of these important aspects of attachment theory.

Attachment Patterns

Attachment theory categorizes individuals into different attachment patterns based on how they respond to separations and reunions with caregivers. These patterns include secure, anxious-ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized. These patterns are believed to reflect an individual's learned expectations about the availability and responsiveness of caregivers in times of need.

Early Relationships

Attachment theory emphasizes the critical importance of early relationships, especially with caregivers, in shaping an individual's emotional and psychological development. Secure attachments are associated with the provision of consistent care and emotional support, allowing children to develop a sense of trust and security.

Emotional Regulation

Secure attachments help children develop effective emotional regulation skills, which are vital for managing stress, anxiety, and other emotions throughout life. The caregiver serves as a secure base from which the child can explore the world and to which they can return for comfort and reassurance.

Impact on Later Relationships

Attachment patterns formed in childhood can influence an individual's interpersonal relationships including romantic relationships, friendships, and interactions with authority figures. Individuals with secure attachment tend to have more positive and fulfilling relationships, while insecure attachment styles can lead to relationship difficulties.

Continuity Across the Lifespan

While attachment patterns are established in early childhood, they can persist into adulthood. However, attachment is not fixed; individuals can develop more secure attachment styles through positive experiences and therapeutic interventions.

Neurobiological Basis

Attachment experiences have been shown to influence brain development and neural circuitry, particularly in regions associated with emotion regulation and social processing.

To Sum It Up

Attachment theory is a framework for understanding how the relationship between a caregiver and a child shapes the structure and processes of the child’s mind and influences their behavior and relational styles throughout adulthood. This theory began as a means to understand the impact of separation from caregivers on a child’s behavior, and it has evolved over the past several decades to be useful for many different areas of psychological research and clinical practice.

References

● Bowlby, J., & Ainsworth, M. (2013). The origins of attachment theory. Attachment Theory: Social, Developmental, and Clinical Perspectives, 45(28), 759–775.

● Fearon, R. P., & Roisman, G. I. (2017). Attachment theory: progress and future directions. Current Opinion in Psychology, 15, 131–136.

● Levy, K. N., Ellison, W. D., Scott, L. N., & Bernecker, S. L. (2011). Attachment style. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 67(2), 193–203